Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
