you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't turn off my feet"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
