Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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