We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
