I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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