Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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