Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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