They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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