Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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