she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
