my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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