used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
