I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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