All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
