I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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