He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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