Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
