omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
