hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
