I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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