come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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