i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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