Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
