Can i not drive my cunt home
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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