She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
