Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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