hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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