This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
