somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
