i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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