Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
