remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
