So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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