no, he came in my armpit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
