doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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