You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize