Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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