but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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