it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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