How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
