I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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