let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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