well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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