Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
