she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
