Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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