He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
