Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
