i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
