Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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